Other Days                                             Kevin Eberhardt & Unknown Collaborator




Sophia, come. If you exist and it’s possible to have a personal
relationship with you, please make yourself manifest to me. I shall try my
best to remain open, observant, and non-judgmental (for lack of a better
word). So today’s 30” meditation was essentially an invitation. Dare says,
“God wants to be known.” If so, come


                    I looked into your garden
                    I could not recognize all the plants
                    The fragrance overwhelmed me
                    Even the weeds seemed well tended


Difficulty settling. Cats kept coming in. Result perhaps was
that I felt the presence of Bast (?) rather than another manifestation of
Sophia. Also got the strong sense that I should send the heating mat with
Mariah on Monday as she spends so much time on it. Realized also my strong
connection with Mariah. I shall miss her and hope I’m doing the best for her
(and all of us) in giving her to Marilyn. So what happened to further my
relationship with Sophia in this 30” period? Perhaps just the decision about
the mat? That definitely came out of this quiet time. Other than that? Quien

sabe? But, as Sr. Judy said two days ago, “All you have to do is show up.”


                     The sun shone through the lie
                     Yet I could almost remember
                     Today is cold & partly cloudy
                     Looking inward I've seen enough


All I can say about today is that I showed up. Couldn’t seem to
settle. And thoughts kept wandering off-to Meredith and her possible visit,
to Meinrad Craighead’s book, to use of term Mothergod, to possible selling
of some family stuff the boys don’t want (like silver tea service, lion
marmalade jars, the upcoming week at Dayspring, etc.). But I was here!


                    Some things are beyond categorization
                    And some beyond explanation
                    I see through pagan eyes
                    That deify the fantastique


Again I showed up-but distractions from cats, dog barking, sinus

headache which increased in pain with every breath (another nosebleed
this a.m.-very cold (4 degrees) plus dry humidity) and aching right knee all
kept me from going very deep. Did find that my thoughts went back to old
dream of diving into water under pier to retrieve a sunken rowboat
guided…guarded by a fierce, scary snake-like monster. Note the slip in line
above where I first wrote “guided” instead of “guarded”!! Does this mean I
need to be guided by my fears-and face them? Fear of diving in-fear that I
won’t be able to get the boat to the surface. It’s so important that I do
that. That in the dream I did dive in & faced the monster. So that boat has
a deep inner significance. I feel “connected” on a deep level. What exactly
does it represent?


                    There are no accidents
                    There is no precedent
                    Only occasions of mystery
                    And incidents without intent


Never did settle-let myself be distracted by cats, then a phone call

from Steve S.-but, in spite of problems with Steve & Sarah, etc., there
is a feeling of deep well-being.


                    What is in a name but
                    What that name invokes
                     I invent a name for you &
                    Am back in the garden again


Didn’t take Zoloft last night. Woke up coughing this a.m. Inhaler,

Pulmicort. Sinuses ache, throat feels somewhat constricted. Another
day of snow and cold (over four and a half weeks now). What I realized in my
med’n is that I really am depressed with no desire to do anything: not
carve, not play the harp, and that my reading and computer activities seem
to be just escapes from that feeling. There’s so much I should do (clear
out) sell stuff I’m not using and kids don’t want; get all my papers in
order, etc. so kids will know what’s what when I die; get genealogical
records in order since I’m the last who will remember (does anyone care??)!
There doesn’t seem to be anything I really am eager to do. Guess that’s


                    "Who can tell the difference
                    Between a poor man & a thief
                    The beggar's beyond any money
                    The Robber's beyond any grief"